Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Paul Anka - Times of Your Life

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4CIBHLPjBI

Sunday, December 02, 2007

We can barely stay afloat, say low-income folk

We can barely stay afloat, say low-income folk

ADMINISTRATIVE assistant Noor Zeen earns $1,350 a month and has not paid her utility bills for the past four months.

Prices of everyday goods have gone up and she finds that she no longer earns enough to cover household expenses.

The 28-year-old divorcee said her monthly utility bill alone has gone up by at least $20. The breadwinner in her family, she lives in a four-room flat in Hougang with her mother, her eight-year-old son and her late aunt's two children.

Cash-strapped and with unpaid utility bills of about $600, Madam Noor asked her MP, Madam Cynthia Phua (Aljunied GRC), for financial help last week.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Most Embarrassing Feminine Moments


> >A contest was organized by "New Woman Magazine" on"Most Embarrassing
> >moments" topic. The following are few good embarrassing moments that
> >magazine received from several women.
> >
> >----------------- Curl Up and Die ------------------ I walked into a
> >hair salon with my husband and three kids in town and asked loudly,
> >"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
> >
> >Melinda Lowe, 39,
> >Seguin, TX
> >
> >
>
>----------------------- Pad, please! --------------- An insurance man
> >visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was
> >throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as
> >best as I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad.
> >
> >He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest.
> >
> >Kathy Newman, 46,
> >Winston-Salem, NC
> >
> >
> >----------------------- Ho, Ho, Ho ---------------- I was taking a
> >shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped
> >himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable,
> >so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well
> >that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas
> >cards.
> >
> >Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing
> >hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look.
> >
> >Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in
> >addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror
> >wearing nothing but a camera!
> >
> >
> >----------------------- Lady Golfer------------------ I was at the
> >golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy
> >with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several
> >minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who
> >works at the store.
> >
> >He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and
> >said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."
> >
> >Colleen Collins, 31,
> >Ferndale, MI
> >
> >
> >--------------------- Nuts about You---------------- My sister and I
> >were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts.
> >As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter
> >asked if we needed any help.
> >
> >I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to
> >laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked
> >away.
> >
> >To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
> >
> >Faye Emerick, 34,
> >Ellerslie, MD
> >
> >
> >---------------------------------------------------------------------
> >--- The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing
> >Moments Contest in the "New Woman Magazine":
> >
> >
> >----------------- Na-na na-na na-nah! ------------ While in line at
> >the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up
> >energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after
> >receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told
> >her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be
> >punished.
> >
> >To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
> >threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma
> >that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
> >
> >The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the
> >tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my
> >dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
> >
> >The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of
> >laughter.
> >
> >Amy Richardson;
> >Stafford, Virginia
> >
> >
> >------------------- Surprise! ---------------------- It was the day
> >before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents
> >had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a
> >romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard
> >the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I
> >give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to
> >miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.
> >
> >When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on
> >and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!"
> >
> >My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my
> >friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a
> >state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity.
> >
> >Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again.
> >
> >Tim Cahill,
> >Poughkeepsie, New York
> >
> >
> >------------------ Priceless ---------------------- One of the
> >funniest "most-embarrassing-moments stories I've come upon in a long
> >time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount
> >store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one
> >of her items had no price tag.
> >
> >Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
> >boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
> >TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."
> >
> >That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently
> >misunderstood the word "Tampax" for THUMBTACKS."
> >
> >In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO
> >YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND
> >IN WITH A HAMMER?"
> >
> >
> >----------------- Mom's Advice----------------------- A teacher
> >noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming
> >around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention.
> >
> >She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed
> >and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was
> >quite itchy.
> >
> >The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to
> >phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it
> >and returned to his class.
> >
> >Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went
> >back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his
> >penis hanging out.
> >
> >"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
> >
> >"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till
> >noon, she'd come and pick me up from school.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Advert Sham

You surf your company’s intranet job-search portal, finds an attractive opening, sends in your application, waits for a favourable response, 1 week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks.. Then you hear yourself saying, there’s no more hope. You know that for highly competitive positions, in the supply-exceeds-demand landscape, your chances are pretty low. That’s fair game, but to have to face the fact (hear from a reliable source) that you have practically no chance at all because the hirer has already picked his choice, thereby dispensing with any shortlisting formalities is more than a tad hard to swallow.

“I already know who I want to hire” smacks of downright discrimination at the highest order.
Then why bother to even advertise the position. Formalities, internal procedures. HR whitewash, I say. All the talk about cost-cutting. Here it is for you, the powers-that-be to walk the talk, but no, you wanna show that you abide by rules and regulations, and yet ironically not follow the rules.

All these rampant and blatant “I’ve already in mind who to hire” games under the guise of formal recruitment rigmarole is wasting not just every applicant’s time, but also your HR’s time. And you think only family-run companies are bias like that. No, the Fortune 500 listees too. Corporate shit-heads.

So all you aspiring job searchers, the sure-fire way to clinching that job within your current or ex-company is to up your ante on that company’s internal networking circuit.
Yes, the god-fathers/mothers ought to know who you are. That impeccably-written resume & accompanying professionally-shot photo won’t see light of day anymore, unless you’ve been personally invited to submit them.

Meet the new-age corporate honcho-cum-headhunter. Your challenge is in hearing him say “You are hired. Send me your resume and my HR will see to all the formalities.” And to you alone, no less.

P/S I’ve known all along that this kind of acts are as natural and pervasive to a fault.
It happens right under our noses, or rather to those in the know.
Nobody complains, no one shouts foul, no one heck care. Afterall, you ain’t after that job. But when you finally see that much-sought-after job in the “positions-vacant” recruitment portal, cajoling all suitable candidates to apply, you unwittingly fall prey to yet another oxymoronic “we are hiring” but “we're not hiring you” ad sham. Duh.

Oh, and I must mention too this requirement for internal job applicants to inform their immediate Manager whenever they apply for any job posting. Why the need to do so at the application stage? Can’t we wait till we’re being offered the job, or at least till the hiring manager shows an interest in you (which in all probability is close to nil, considering the prevalent “I know who I want to hire” practice).

Hear HR’s reply:
The normal process is that you have to tell your current manager that you are applying for an internal role. This is because the hiring manager can approach your current manager to get some feedback if he is interested to interview or talk to you. We do not want your current manager to get a shock.”
Well, I would indeed be shocked if he gets shocked just like that

Friday, January 05, 2007

This SBS Bus No Need to Flag Early

if every SBS driver is like this uncle who drives Bus 57.

I was running superduper late on the 1st work day of 2007 and this super slow and patient uncle took his own sweet time and stopped at every bus-stop along the way even though it was crystal clear no one was flagging the bus down.

There was this particular bus-stop where all waiting commuters were comfortably seated at the bus-stand and no-one stood up when the bus was nearing the stop, and yet he non-chalantly drove into the driveway and out again without anyone boarding his bus. For the rest of the journey to my office, the bus literally crawled.....

Give me a younger SBS driver anytime, no need F1 standard, but spare me the uncle or grandpa type (and this coming from a not-so-young aunty who won't suffer slow public transport drivers).

Monday, November 13, 2006

Mr International 2006

Hi
Haa…haa…haa…I’m only a backdrop for the 3 beauties in front…
In fact I kind of favor Mr Greece also; he has good height & a very romantic look….
Yes, must get Raymond to place us on the judges panel (if not.. at least to get the 1st row of the VIP seats)…

Enjoy your weekend.

Rgds
S
From:
Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 1:42 PM
Subject: RE: Mr International

Thks. Still mesmerised by Mr Venezuela? So forgot me,is it? Heheh

Carol’s fave – Mr Lebanon (the Winner), your Mr V and ‘my’ Mr Greece took the top 3 spots

We got good taste, ahem ..…can apply to be co-judges with Raymond next year & get to drool over

a new batch of hunks up close & personal….heheh

Can you spot the ‘Sharon Au look-a-like’ below.

Mr International 2006 (Mr Lebanon)



From:
Sent: Friday, October 13, 2006 11:29 AM
To:
Subject: FW: Mr International

Sorry, missed you out inadvertently in my earlier email.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
From:
Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2006 4:16 PM
To:
Subject: Mr International
Hi ladies
I hope you all did enjoy the Mr International event last Sat… I did have a good time…
The photos that I took did not turned out very well…..Please log onto the flwg URL to get the professional snapshots for the event:
http://www.stomp.com.sg/gallery/mrinternational/slides/Mrinternational%20(9).html
Enjoy :o)
Rgds
S



Acupuncture & Acupressure

I survived, thanks to my built-up-through-the-years high treshhold for pain.

Hit by a double-whammy of tennis elbow and frozen right shoulder, I took the TCM path as it would have been a long 4-week wait before I could get an appointment with one of the visiting orthopaedic consultants to the govt hospital.

As long as my condition is not life threatening, I, like many others add on to the l o n g Q. But heck, why do I have to wait that long? I may not die, but I'm already partially immobilised.

I now take the lift at the MRT station, otherwise I have to stand on the right side of escalator, holding the handrail with my righthand (which means I will be blocking those wanting to walk up) as I need my functioning left-hand to carry my handbag & other stuffs.

I cant put on my bra the normal way cos' I can't reach the back to fasten the clips. But recently learnt from a fellow sufferer a painless way to wear it by bringing bra band to front for fastening, and then twirl the cups from back to front & loop arm thro' each strap, and viola, the breasts' cupped! No more struggling to wear d bra t-shirt style.

Can wear T's unless they're the super-stretchable sort, otherwise will have to struggle with the upper torso when taking it off.

Can't manually squeeze fresh orange juice with the plastic mould.

Can't bring out bamboo poles to dry my laundry.Can't pluck arm-pit hairs, wash hair & scrub right scalp, scratch my back, stretch out hand to pick food from center of table, etc, etc, etc

The list goes on....boo hoo hoo....routine activites taken for granted until you realise you no longer can do them perfuntorily.

Anyhow, the needle-poking (acupuncture) & application of pressure to specific body points (acupressure) has helped to relief pain to a certain extent, while I wait 10 more days before I get to see Dr Orthopaedic.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Porsche Boxter!

I'm a Porsche Boxster!



You're stylish, nimble, and good-looking. When it comes to having fun, there are few who can surpass you. And yet, you suffer from a lingering inferiority complex. Maybe it's because you have an older relative who is always in thelimelight?


Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I whine

I keep getting email like this that makes you take a much needed breather
away from office rigmaroles to be thankful and enjoy that feel-good feeling:

When I Whine
~~~~~~~
Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair I looked at her and sighed and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have 2 legs, the world is mine.
~~~
I stopped to buy some candy
The lad who sold it had such charm
I talked with him a while,
he seemed so very glad If I were late, it'd do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
"I thank you, you've been so kind.
It's nice to talk with folks like you.
You see," he said, "I'm blind."
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 eyes, the world is mine.
~~~
Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
"Why don't you join the others, dear?"
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn't hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have 2 ears, the world is mine.
~~~
With feet to take me where I'd go.
With eyes to see the sunset's glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I've been blessed indeed, The world is mine.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~
Sorrow looks back,
Worry looks around,
Faith looks up.

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Pray, Pray, People for Me and I Pray Pray for You

Yet another email that makes you believe in the ethereal world .

Pray, dear people, pray that I get my prayers answered and I'll pray, pray for yours to come true, too.

" A voyaging ship was wrecked during a storm at sea and only two of the men on it were able to swim to a small, desert like island.

The two survivors, not knowing what else to do, agree that they had no other recourse butto pray to God.

However, to find out whose prayer was more powerful, they agreed to divide the territory between them and stay on opposite sides of the island.

The first thing they prayed for was food.

The next morning, the first man saw a fruit-bearing tree on his side of the land, and he was able to eat its fruit. The other man's parcel of land remained barren.

After a week, the first man was lonely and he decided to pray for a wife. The next day, another ship was wrecked, and the only survivor was a woman who swam to his side of the land. On the other side of the island, there was nothing.

Soon the first man prayed for a house, clothes, more food. The next day, like magic, all of these were given to him. However, the second man still had nothing.

Finally, the first man prayed for a ship, so that he and his wife could leave the island. In the morning, he found a ship docked at his side of the island. The first man boarded the ship with his wife and decided to leave the second man on the island. He considered the other man unworthy to receive God's blessings, since none of his prayers had been answered.

As the ship was about to leave, the first man heard a voice from heaven booming, "Why are you leaving your companion on the island?"

"My blessings are mine alone, since I was the one who prayed for them," the first man answered. "His prayers were all unanswered and so he does not deserve anything."

"You are mistaken!" the voice rebuked him. "He had only one prayer, which I answered. If not for that, you would not have received any of my blessings."

"Tell me," the first man asked the voice, "what did he pray for that I should owe him anything?" "He prayed that all your prayers be answered"

For all we know, our blessings are not the fruits of our prayers alone, but those of another praying for us.

This is too good not to share. With obedience come blessings. My prayer for you today is that all your prayers are answered. Be blessed.

"What you do for others is more important than what you do for yourself" "

Monday, October 24, 2005

Office Exercises That Leave You Dead Tired

Reproducing a satiric email:

"Have you wondered why office staff is alwayz dead tired by the end of the day and companies really require no further physical fitness programmes for their employees. The reason is that EVERYONE gets enough exercise by:

1. Jumping to conclusion



2. Beating around the bush
3. Running down the boss
4. Going around in circles
5. Dragging their feet
6. Passing the buck
7. Climbing the ladder
8. Wading through paperwork
9. Pulling strings
10. Throwing their weight around
11. Stretching the truth
12. Bending the rules
13. Pushing their luck

NO WONDER THEY ARE ALL TIRED AT THE END OF A WORKING DAY!!"

Friday, October 21, 2005

Toyota New Model Launch

"Received this in email today"

Dear all,
With the current petrol prices skyrocketing, Toyota has pre-emptively launched a new model to capture the market up-front. According to reliable sources, this new model does not run on petrol or diesel. It is a new technological breakthrough in engine design using only biodegradable materials and with very low maintenance.
To avoid any last minute rush or stock out, please book early!













Thursday, October 20, 2005

Been Conned Knowingly

Yesterday, after my visit to the dental surgeon to fix a perennial gummy problem, I returned straight home instead of back to office. Just minutes after I reached home, at around 5 plus, this middle-aged Indian lady and a plumish teenager carrying a picture of an Indian deity on a metal plate containing $2 notes presumably from donors, came by and stood outside my locked metal-grill-gate, asking donation for the temple.

I initially waved them away but the lady kept saying "donate any amount, 20 cts, 50cts also can". Just so they can move on with their 'donation drive', I dug out 50cts from my impoverished wallet and drop it onto the metal plate.

The moment the coins clanked, the lady asked, "you want lottery number?"

The dormant gambling gene in me came alive and said "ok".

"Stand in front of the deity and the boy will chant for the numbers"

I stood where I was, at a slight angle to the deity's picture. She nudged me with her right arm through the gate to move a little to the right while the boy started to chant like a "tangkee" (hokkien term for medium) for about 15 secs or so. It could have gone on longer if not for my fidgetting as I thought the whole thing was getting a bit weird. The Indian lady mentioned the "tangkee" word to me.

"Give me a piece of blank paper", she said after the chanting stopped.

I Searched and handed her a DBS flyer on CPF profits/loss calculation and told her to write on the blank spaces. She tore off a small piece and handed to the boy who looked like he was still not out of his amateurish trance yet. He started scribbling on the paper after what seemed like a cue from the lady, then crunch it and continued to chant some more.

"So can I have the numbers?" I asked.
"Wait" and she started writing on another piece of paper and showed it to me.
$29.65.
"Do I buy these 4 numbers?"
"No. He will give you the numbers & pointed to $29.65 on the paper"
"What? I don't have that much on me ." while at the same time aching to know that magical 4-D.
She kept pointing to $29.65 on that piece of paper.
To satisy my greed curiosity, I dug out about $15 from my wallet and gave it to her.
She counted and said not enough. I said no more. She persisted and I dug out another 3 two-dollar notes. Total $21 and thought she would hand me the 4D. No. still not enough. I had $2 left which I intended for lunch next day in case I couldn't find time to go to the ATM. To appease her, I dug out all the coins (about a dollar or so) and told her I had nothing left. She took the piece of $29.65 paper back from me and kept pointing the figure to me.
She started counting all the notes again and mumbled something to the boy, possibly about not getting the full amount from me . Almost 25% off their target. I could sense she was not totally satisfied, but nonetheless took the crunched paper from the boy's hand and handed it to me.

"Just for you only. Cannot tell anybody else, The number is only for you".

"If you strike, must go to the temple in Gu Chia Chwee and offer flowers and sweets and such".
(Yes, she said Gu Chia Chwee and she meant that famous Indian temple in Chinatown).

"Buy on Sunday, 10 Big 10 Small. Must give angpow to us when you strike"

Subconciously, I thought I saw through the hoax and yet played along with it. Why did I play dumbass? Or was I secretly hoping for that elusive lucky strike. Only time will tell. Three days to be exact. Only thing I certainly hope if it comes true, that it's got no occult connection, but just pure coincidence or LUCK.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Why I ain't leaving with boss

I’ve been asked by all and sundry why I didn’t follow (I ain’t no bitch dog, u know) go along with the boss to her new job as is the tradition with higher management in this company to bring along their assistant when they switch job or get promoted to another job. Here’s the skinny truth (I swear) since people are wont to speculate and create their own juicier versions which in most instances veer towards the untruth.

“Thanks YY. You've been one of the best bosses I've ever worked for. In fact, one of only two lady bosses (the other being BB) and proof that ladies can make even better bosses (with due respect to D and A of course).

What made me dithered in continuing to support you in your new role is more to do with my personal decision to slow down a little in the last lap of my working life in the corporate world. I can foresee this new role of yours is an even more demanding and dynamic one that will require more from the assistant. Nevertheless, I'm deeply honoured and touched by your invitation for us to continue our close working relationship. Thanks for remembering me.

I am definitely going to miss the boss/assistant bond built over the past years and the inimitable camaraderie that has evolved under your leadership.”

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Monday, September 05, 2005

Anagram

Regurgitated another email:

"This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I've received in awhile. Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at Scrabble."

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
WOMAN HITLER

SNOOZE ALARMS:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA:
When you rearrange the letters
(With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Success in the Eyes of God

Someone sent me this today. A godly way of defining success by:
Clark Kellogg in Heart of a Champion. (a heir to that successful breakfast cereal empire?)

Key Bible Verse: Our goal is to stay within the boundaries of God's plan for us (2 Corinthians 10:13, NLT).

To me, success is fulfilling my destiny.

Relationally, success is fulfillment in who I am. Who I am is defined by my relationship with God. It's finding contentment and peace in that relationship. Everything else flows out of that.

Professionally, success is finding my particular purpose according to what my gifts and abilities and passions are, then excelling by utilizing those gifts and abilities for God's glory and as a means to sustain myself financially.

Materially, success doesn't mean that I have everything I want, but that my family's needs are met and we're still in a position to give—both financially and of ourselves—to the betterment of other people. It's been said that money can buy you a house, but it can't buy you a home; it can buy you a bed, but it can't buy you sleep; it can buy you a lot of things, but it can't buy you true love or peace. I believe that.

Success involves modeling for my kids a vibrant, living relationship with God. Doing that impacts every area of my life: the handling of my resources, the way I treat people, and the way I carry myself in every venue. That, to me, is what being successful is.

—Clark Kellogg in Heart of a Champion

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Shagged

Ha ha, I'm so happy that someone is ill. Wicked, wicked me. No lah, just a fever! If anything more serious, I would be worried for her.

See, I'm physically and mentally spent, and if she isn't forced to take a break, I would have been the one to break down. Hell, she's been working at breakneck speed and yours trully, (being her 'highly-paid office-maid' & a decade older than her) have been huffing and puffing along. My neck hasn't broke yet but my other body parts have taken some harsh beatings, resulting in all kinds of aches - stomachache, headache, armache, legache, fingerache, every which ache. I just feel so shagged by office rigmaroles.. (damn, you wish it were the raunchy shag by the dudes of LOTR (Orlando Bloom) LOST (Josh Holloway), even the good old 007 (Pierce Brosnan) .....what the hell... hallucinating... in dude-dom..... drool on ......oo oo ooah......@#%$^&^@ loud thud..on the butt...get back to work lah .:-(

Friday, August 12, 2005

WFR

The company's into another on-going exercise code named WFR.
Three letters that spell fear, joy or relief because they gotta announce Which Farker Fellow to Release!

Man, if you're on this Work Force Reduction head-roll call, you'll probably start shedding tears (yes, I heard from HR that some guys actually wept when handed their letters in previous exercises) if you belong to one or
more of the following categories:

  • got wife, children, father, mother, dog, cats to feed (last 2 at least can give away);
  • loan instalments to pay off;
  • long-term medical bills;
  • 101 other monetary commitments;
  • skills that can't cross over to other sectors;
  • jobs suited to your skills have thousands competing for them;
  • not easily retrainable;
  • of that age that ageist employers deem unemployable;

On the other hand, you would be secretly gloating or openly grinning from ear to ear ('cos the 'goodbye' package is among the better ones in the industry) if you belong to one or more of the following groups:-

  • already planning to leave anyway;
  • working for a boss from hell;
  • suffering from burn-out;
  • already planning for early retirement;
  • have no straggling financial commitments;
  • best of all, already have a job offering elsewhere;
  • don't even need to work in the first place (lucky devil, u!) (then again, why were u depriving someone more in need of a job then?)

A blessing in disguise, you would say, and can't wait to blow that corporate goodbye kiss.

When has the world ever been fair?

Pubic Fashion

Someone call the fashion police, quick!

This MRT commuter wore such low-rise pants that her exposed pubic hair raised many many eyebrows. Can the fashion police charge her for indecent exposure?

Clueless fashion slave, gross fashion faux pas!

Heard of the brazilian wax? No? Just do the good old-fashioned shave or pluck (ouch!) or cover up if you can't take pain.

Hairy bozos, watch that wardrobe malfunction, lest you stimulate shocks on the Harrys, Dicks & Toms in public.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Peeves

Some people have pet peeves. Duh! Who needs peeves for pets?

Whatever, I hope the following peeple do not cross my path again:-

RUBBISH DUMSPTER
Peeple who put their rubbish in plastic bags & get mother, son, daughter help lug one each down to the lift landing and dump it outside the lift door!
I asked this well-saried English-speaking woman why could'nt she discard the bags downstairs and she gave an asinine reply that she didn't know where. At least she did not spout rubbish when I said it was dangerous to leave them at the lift door landing as it might catch fire. She stayed dumb.

DRIVERS WHO IGNORE PEDESTRAINS AT ZEBRA-CROSSINGS
Drivers who do not stop at zebra-crossings (pedestrain crossing where right of way is accorded to the pedestrain). Don't tell me you stop only when you see a zebra! Cameras should be installed at some of these crossings, especially the one near my home and next to a primary school. Many a times, drivers simply ignore me and just drive on even when I wear striped clothing! Once, I had already crossed over to the midpoint of this 2-way lane and the car coming from the other side blatantly drove past. The next time, I'm going to jot down the vehicle number & report it.

HUMAN SKUNK IN MRT TRAIN
I hopped into a jam-packed MRT train one morning rush hour and found myself smouldered by this foul smelling odour coming from god-knows-where. Other commuters with hands pressed against their noses were looking about to see where the skunk was. The obnoxious odour refused to diffuse even when the door opened at each station. Every time the door closed, that breath of fresh air got immediately sucked up by the overpowering stench. I might have fainted (yes I could hardly breathe in the contaminated air) if the next interchange had been too many stations away. Thankfully, it was just 2 stops away from where I boarded and when the crowd dispersed,I scampered towards the middle of the less crowded train, a good number of carriages away.

I hate it now that I've to join the rush hour MRT crowd just so I can get to office in time to catch these US folks before their work day ends over the other side of their continent.

PEEPLE WHO PEE IN LIFTS
These peeple either do not have toilets at home or suffer from incontinence, or are just simply animals in human clothings. But then, even dogs do not water down any ground they trod on.

Monday, July 04, 2005

A good (old-fashioned) bra is like a good (old) friend


For the men, it would have to be,
er..good grief... oops brief , ie,
for the two down south.

GM Vegetable ??

Two's Company

Three's A Crowd

Double-headed green colony

Three-some greengy

The pix speak for themselves. Green Siamese Twins. Plus Triplets to boot! Not just one occurrence but in multiples.
More then half in a sealed plastic package I bought from a HDB wet market were either conjoint twins or triplets!
Are they safe for consumption?
Has the Agri-Food & Veterinary Authority (AVA) come across such abnormalities?
Has genetically modified vegetables started sprouting on Sgp soil?

Friday, June 24, 2005

Human Chop

I was having dinner at my sis' place & during our tete-a-tete, the conversation veered towards the recent senseless butchering of a China lass for reasons yet to be dissected in upcoming court scenes. Who in his right mind would do such a heinous act?

Me: What's the whole point of chopping the dead person up? She's already dead.

Sis: (steeped in the school of superstitions)According to people who believe in the dead returning, this one wouldn't be able to do so in one piece to exact vengeance, for he/she would not have legs to walk back to take revenge.

Me: (rolls eyes) Heard of floating head? (tongue-in-cheek)

Sis: Killer can still run, since no hands to grab him.

Me: Well, I guess for someone who dares cut up a human body, I doubt he'll flinch at flying body parts. For all you know, he might use his daggers/lightsabers ala Darth Sidious to further slice or ward them off , short of making mincemeat out of the dismembered parts.

Gross.....morbid thoughts...as I reach out to scoop a piece of meat from my soup bowl...

Sis: I hear too that people staying in the same block where the butchering took place are now too scared to take the lift in the dead of night, whether alone or with company.

Me: Eee..rie... I think I better leave for home soon before night falls & human imaginations start running wild
or worse still, degenerate into brainless ghost gawkers ala ghost-spotters at Bukit Batok West as reported in yesterday's NewPaper
http://newpaper.asia1.com.sg/news/story/0,4136,90466,00.html?


Tuesday, June 14, 2005

SGP Nipplegate Unlocked

Back to blogdom after an involuntary hiatus, I saw it coming - the sorta Akan Datang (Coming Soon) at the end of a movie trailer.

In this case, it's the whip & faster than one can say nay, nay, the riders of the moral high horses went neigh, neigh at that arty farkty crazy foal aka SPG. Who needs Crasy Horse Paris? The arty farty with the moolah to flash. Ai kua angmoh neh neh Si Beh Qwee leh, ... Na Beh.

buayas/voyeurs, (animal/man/woman/uncle/auntie) free show like this is hard to come by if not prohibited in decent land. So, enjoy while it lasts.

As the brouhaha subsides, history's gonna repeat itself sooner or later in yet another clueless expressionist/exhibitionist someday somewhere, giving mankind reason yet again to unleash unkind species upon another of its kind.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

R & R

TGIF... Thank Goodness, It's Friday! Time for relaxation and recreation...
but before I head off to de-stress, this post's about a different kind of R&R : race & religion which happen to be touchy touchy matter that can turn any race mad. When people get touchy-feely, the world needs no mother nature a la holocaust, tornado, tsunami, you name it..erh.. her rather.

So it came as no surprise to read in last weekend's Sunday Times of a Singaporean Public Service Commission Scholar who came under rabid, i mean rapid fire for penning racist remarks in his private blog which 'inadvertently' became public. His scholarship sponsor is currently looking into the matter (to take appropriate action?? even after he had already issued a public apology). So touchy is the issue that even his parents had to step forward to defend and apologise on his behalf as well.
Isn't it 'safer' to watch, talk or partake the adrenalin-pumping Formula One. Racer or racist....you decide, just don't leave behind skid marks on your race track that's sure to raise hell.

Coincidentally, one of Asia's most popular weblog belonging to the opinionated profanity-spewing blog-gal Xiaxue, had her ire raised to epic proportions in her Monday's no-holds-barred outburst on religious representatives' handling of eulogies & evangelism at a friend's wake. It was submitted as her article for her weekly column in a Sunday tabloid, but for obvious reasons, the editors vetoed it.

So there, the 'touch-me-if-you-dare' twin Rs. Boo! you two are too taboo.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Bring on all the Bling

Like to share a snippet from some past week-end Business Times. (Hmm, why m i forever behind time, no time, making time, taking my time.. ..& every time i tell the garang guni man when he comes by to clear my ever increasing stacks of newspapers, i have no time to finish reading 'em......see, my weakest link is time, time & time again.. but i digress, blog time another time).

Here goes ...and be dazzled...
" How many diamonds can a gal have? Never too many, apparently. One top jewellery company is said to have a customer who chalked up 56 unique transactions at its stores in just a year. That's more than one transaction per week. And to top it off, the number only reflects transactions, not items bought. So the customer could have bought many pieces of jewellery each time. Such a feat could only be accomplished by a woman. As they say: "the men don't get it". "

Filthy Rich, or some say Nouveau Riche..
Whatever le envy..envy..

Saturday, April 16, 2005

Murphy's Law

Had a run-in with the law ... hold it, don't gasp yet...not the law of the courts but that of a person by the name of Murphy! Have to go dig up his story later & figure if there's any link with this ez-link card story...

Here's how it started..on that eventful star-struck afternoon on the way up the bus, couldn't locate this card that I should never leave home without. Took the seat just behind the driver & continued flipping thro' the stack of cards in my foldable Converse wallet. Then dug into my haversack for that Ferragamo wallet where I keep the rest of my cards in a less haphazard manner. No ez-link card in sight! Haiz! No easy task riding a bus.

Ah, can pay by coins, but how much? Asked driver. 80cts. Shucks..counted only 75cts in my wallet, where to find extra 5 cts coin...panic button still on...how can say 'lend me 5cts, pay you back another time' to strangers. Thinking back, someone might have just given me five worthless cents if I had asked but then, it never occured to me to go a begging.

Driver realised my dilemma & asked 'how much you have?' 5 cts short. Instructed me to throw whatever I have into the coin box. In the process, one coin slipped out of my fingers onto the floor of the driver's seat. Oh golly! butter fingers. The ever cool & patient driver just punched the ticket console & I hurriedly collected my ticket (after some fumbling) from the old fare box where previously, the commuter inserts his card & manually punch the correct fare button & out pops the ticket.

On my way back, while musing over the day's experience, missed alighting at the usual stop. Arghh, gotta walk an extra bus-stop distance back, cos' not enough coins left (I changed just a dollar at the supermarket earlier, enough for the bus-ride home). So began a long walk under the scorching sun back to Dorset (via Essex, Derbyshire, Carlisle) from U.S. (United Square!) lugging a couple of bags of groceries...haiz..

Back home, turned my shorts' pockets inside out but no ez-link card! $30 worth of fares missing...sigh...
checked wallet to see if enough dough left to buy a new card. Surprise, surprise, as I flipped thro' the cards once again, there was the ez-link card, snuggled between my name cards. Case of cards fraternising too much..ha..

Monday, April 11, 2005

Star-Struck

For the first time in my life, I took the trouble to go to a local celebrity's album autograph session just to show my support for local talent.

Was a little hesitant to join the queue of mostly young fans moving forward on the make-shift stage to get their idol's signature. So just stood by to marvel at the hopelessly devoted fans screaming or rather synchronising their screams.

Finally plucked up enough courage to grab a copy of the album nearby & walked through the unblocked passage at the front of the stage but was promptly told by security to go another route instead to join the queue. I swiftly headed the direction they pointed but ended up behind closed barricades. Bleah... session over, the policeman on duty told me. However, he was kind enough to signal to the event personnel on stage that there was still one more to go. Was told to crawl under the zig-zag pattern barricade to get through. I rather jump over but my tight jeans didn't allow the flexibility. So I did the unthinkable, & crawled under that small triangular opening just to get up close and personal with the star......

Just hope no one I know saw what took place...or they would have raised their eyebrows at this overaged 'teen' struck with star-struck syndrome .......... hmmm ...kinda reliving a second teenhood.....time regression...mentally ....why not the physical body......ha..ha..hallucinating..........

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Mid-Life Crisis

The start of a new dawn heralds a new beginning for most mortals. Not for me. I dread the dastardly drudgery of daylight living. The daily grind of office work & perennial housework slowly extinguishes whatever tiny sparks that keep this jaded being from totally wearing out.

Thankfully, I managed to slip away for that long overdue weekly swim at the Aranda Club's tiny 'blue lagoon', followed by a steam-bath in scorching temperature that burns your skin like hell, but then some bearable sizzling not only revives your senses, it does good to near-arthritic joints so long as your epidermis does not end up like a roast suckling pig's!

On way home, decided to go punt for a better tomorrow. Went to the Toto outlet next to the Bedok Interchange to pick up Monday & Thursday draw tickets. This Indian shop is listed among the top outlets that have sold most winning tickets. Placing my bets at this outlet should mathematically increase the probability of hitting that jackpot, knowing full well that the odds of winning still remain as slim as ever. But dreams do sometimes come true.......with L-U-C-K.

Monday, February 21, 2005

Debut blog post

Wohoo! I finally got started on my blogging expedition and look forward to therapeutic value along the way.