Monday, October 24, 2005

Office Exercises That Leave You Dead Tired

Reproducing a satiric email:

"Have you wondered why office staff is alwayz dead tired by the end of the day and companies really require no further physical fitness programmes for their employees. The reason is that EVERYONE gets enough exercise by:

1. Jumping to conclusion



2. Beating around the bush
3. Running down the boss
4. Going around in circles
5. Dragging their feet
6. Passing the buck
7. Climbing the ladder
8. Wading through paperwork
9. Pulling strings
10. Throwing their weight around
11. Stretching the truth
12. Bending the rules
13. Pushing their luck

NO WONDER THEY ARE ALL TIRED AT THE END OF A WORKING DAY!!"

Friday, October 21, 2005

Toyota New Model Launch

"Received this in email today"

Dear all,
With the current petrol prices skyrocketing, Toyota has pre-emptively launched a new model to capture the market up-front. According to reliable sources, this new model does not run on petrol or diesel. It is a new technological breakthrough in engine design using only biodegradable materials and with very low maintenance.
To avoid any last minute rush or stock out, please book early!













Thursday, October 20, 2005

Been Conned Knowingly

Yesterday, after my visit to the dental surgeon to fix a perennial gummy problem, I returned straight home instead of back to office. Just minutes after I reached home, at around 5 plus, this middle-aged Indian lady and a plumish teenager carrying a picture of an Indian deity on a metal plate containing $2 notes presumably from donors, came by and stood outside my locked metal-grill-gate, asking donation for the temple.

I initially waved them away but the lady kept saying "donate any amount, 20 cts, 50cts also can". Just so they can move on with their 'donation drive', I dug out 50cts from my impoverished wallet and drop it onto the metal plate.

The moment the coins clanked, the lady asked, "you want lottery number?"

The dormant gambling gene in me came alive and said "ok".

"Stand in front of the deity and the boy will chant for the numbers"

I stood where I was, at a slight angle to the deity's picture. She nudged me with her right arm through the gate to move a little to the right while the boy started to chant like a "tangkee" (hokkien term for medium) for about 15 secs or so. It could have gone on longer if not for my fidgetting as I thought the whole thing was getting a bit weird. The Indian lady mentioned the "tangkee" word to me.

"Give me a piece of blank paper", she said after the chanting stopped.

I Searched and handed her a DBS flyer on CPF profits/loss calculation and told her to write on the blank spaces. She tore off a small piece and handed to the boy who looked like he was still not out of his amateurish trance yet. He started scribbling on the paper after what seemed like a cue from the lady, then crunch it and continued to chant some more.

"So can I have the numbers?" I asked.
"Wait" and she started writing on another piece of paper and showed it to me.
$29.65.
"Do I buy these 4 numbers?"
"No. He will give you the numbers & pointed to $29.65 on the paper"
"What? I don't have that much on me ." while at the same time aching to know that magical 4-D.
She kept pointing to $29.65 on that piece of paper.
To satisy my greed curiosity, I dug out about $15 from my wallet and gave it to her.
She counted and said not enough. I said no more. She persisted and I dug out another 3 two-dollar notes. Total $21 and thought she would hand me the 4D. No. still not enough. I had $2 left which I intended for lunch next day in case I couldn't find time to go to the ATM. To appease her, I dug out all the coins (about a dollar or so) and told her I had nothing left. She took the piece of $29.65 paper back from me and kept pointing the figure to me.
She started counting all the notes again and mumbled something to the boy, possibly about not getting the full amount from me . Almost 25% off their target. I could sense she was not totally satisfied, but nonetheless took the crunched paper from the boy's hand and handed it to me.

"Just for you only. Cannot tell anybody else, The number is only for you".

"If you strike, must go to the temple in Gu Chia Chwee and offer flowers and sweets and such".
(Yes, she said Gu Chia Chwee and she meant that famous Indian temple in Chinatown).

"Buy on Sunday, 10 Big 10 Small. Must give angpow to us when you strike"

Subconciously, I thought I saw through the hoax and yet played along with it. Why did I play dumbass? Or was I secretly hoping for that elusive lucky strike. Only time will tell. Three days to be exact. Only thing I certainly hope if it comes true, that it's got no occult connection, but just pure coincidence or LUCK.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Why I ain't leaving with boss

I’ve been asked by all and sundry why I didn’t follow (I ain’t no bitch dog, u know) go along with the boss to her new job as is the tradition with higher management in this company to bring along their assistant when they switch job or get promoted to another job. Here’s the skinny truth (I swear) since people are wont to speculate and create their own juicier versions which in most instances veer towards the untruth.

“Thanks YY. You've been one of the best bosses I've ever worked for. In fact, one of only two lady bosses (the other being BB) and proof that ladies can make even better bosses (with due respect to D and A of course).

What made me dithered in continuing to support you in your new role is more to do with my personal decision to slow down a little in the last lap of my working life in the corporate world. I can foresee this new role of yours is an even more demanding and dynamic one that will require more from the assistant. Nevertheless, I'm deeply honoured and touched by your invitation for us to continue our close working relationship. Thanks for remembering me.

I am definitely going to miss the boss/assistant bond built over the past years and the inimitable camaraderie that has evolved under your leadership.”